Pretenders
by ncfan
Summary: Natsuhi had to wonder, sometimes. [Spoilers for EP7.]


I own nothing.

* * *

Natsuhi never regretted her decision to take this child on as her own, once the first few days (_or weeks, or months, but now that it was over, she no longer acknowledged that it had taken her so long to warm up to her charge_) of uncertainty and soul-searching had passed. She never regretted it, once she was able to swallow her feelings of inadequacy and bitterness that Kinzo had essentially told her that he never expected her to be blessed with a child, that she had failed as a "borrowed womb" of the Ushiromiya family.

Kinzo had named the child 'Lion', and instructed Natsuhi to do the same. From that point on, it was as though Lion had always been a part of their lives. When Krauss returned from a business trip he'd been on and was introduced to his new child, he accepted his father's story and treated Lion as his own child. Natsuhi forced herself to love her new child until she could say that she loved Lion in truth. Natsuhi forced herself to believe that Lion had always been there, until she could say that this child had always been hers without a bitter taste in her mouth.

She never regretted calling Lion her child, and never regretted allowing Lion to call her 'Mother.' This foundling child whom Kinzo had named his successor never did anything that made Natsuhi regret being mother to the next head. Lion's performance at school was outstanding, and Natsuhi watched her child shape up to be a skilled orator and mediator, able to navigate the treacherous world with ease and put an end to even the most acrimonious of arguments. Natsuhi had no doubt that Lion would be successful at any business venture.

There was nothing in Lion for Natsuhi to be ashamed of, and everything for her to be proud of. This child was her stalwart ally at home, when Krauss was pursuing foolish ventures and Jessica was being willful and ill-mannered—at such times, Lion always took her side, always stood by her, always acted as her support.

There was nothing in her foundling child for Natsuhi to be ashamed of, and everything to be proud of. There were so many things for her to love about this child.

And still, she wondered.

She wondered, sometimes, where Lion had come from. Natsuhi knew that her father-in-law was fickle, but she could not bring herself to believe that Kinzo would really introduce a random orphan from the Fukuin House as his heir. She could not bring herself to believe that Kinzo would introduce a random child with no connection to him whatsoever and foist that child on the family as his heir.

So who was Lion? Natsuhi looked at Lion and Jessica together sometimes, eyed their similar fair hair and the vague similarity of their features, and wondered.

Natsuhi wondered also, sometimes, how things could have been different.

Lion was her child, but Jessica was the daughter she had waited twelve years for. Lion was not the one she had struggled to conceive, suffered to carry to term, given her blood and her strength to give birth to. Jessica was the child Natsuhi had waited for, the child she had strived for, had struggled and wept and tried over and over again to have. Jessica was the child of Natsuhi's flesh.

It was an uncharitable thought, Natsuhi knew that, but sometimes, she resented Lion. She resented the fact that because of Kinzo's belief in the barrenness of her body, she had had a pretender foisted upon her, and Jessica was deprived of all her rights. As much as Jessica drove Natsuhi half-mad sometimes with exasperation, there were also the times when she wished above all else that Lion had never entered their lives. She wished that the child she had struggled for could be the one called the successor to the head.

She wondered too about the woman who had borne Lion. Natsuhi had never met this woman, knew nothing about her, and was frankly frightened to ask Kinzo anything about her—it would be disrespectful in the extreme, and Kinzo would waste no time in reminding her of that. She was curious; who wouldn't be?

Sometimes, Natsuhi wondered if Lion's mother was even dead; oh, Kinzo said that Lion was an orphan, and it would be disrespectful to accuse him of lying, but Natsuhi still had these thoughts, regardless. She wondered if Lion's birth mother was out there somewhere, remembering the child she had lost and wondering if she would ever see Lion again. Natsuhi recalled all the pain she had ever felt as a mother, and though she knew nothing of this woman, she felt that if Lion's birth mother was still alive, her heart would burst from aching for her.

A pretender child and a pretender mother. How fitting.

Then, Natsuhi watched Lion and Jessica while they played badminton together out in the rose garden, Jessica's shrieks of laughter ringing in Natsuhi's ears and Lion's bright smile filling her vision.

Then, she remembered Krauss shamefacedly confessing to her that he was glad that Kinzo had passed him over in the succession, that he hadn't realized how much pressure he was under until it was all taken away. She remembered him saying that he was glad that he wouldn't become the head, and that he was afraid that the burden would have swallowed Jessica whole.

She remembered the way she felt when Lion called her 'Mother.'

And Natsuhi put her resentment away.


End file.
